For years I fought the battle of the scale and defining a size I wanted to get into. That was my focus. I would start most of my days off obsessed with the scale with the thought that magically my body would drop weight overnight and I would miraculously weigh less and then I would step off and wait a minute and then jump back on.
But the scale doesn’t change its mind the second time. So I would just say it is not my friend today.
So then I would make the commitment that day to do better, eat healthier, and make good choices. And then halfway into the day, I would decide tomorrow will be a much better day to keep my promise to eat healthier. Then that would roll into since this is my last day to eat what I want, I better live it up and I would binge on everything.
The next day the cycle would start all over again and I would say maybe today will be the day. But once again it wasn’t.
I would vow once again to do better and then I would find myself making more excuses, rationalizations of maybe I should try something different like that is going to solve my problem. Always later or let me try something else because this is not working. Or I’ll wait until Monday again!
I thought about, craved, and arranged my life too much around food. Then I hit rock bottom and I knew I needed to surrender by asking myself a really raw question:
“Is it possible I love and rely on food because I’m craving something else and what is that something else?”
I had to see the purpose of my struggle as something more than wearing smaller sizes, the number on the scale or even getting compliments from others. I had to get honest enough to admit that I was focusing on the wrong reason to take charge of my health.
I had to get real and raw enough to admit food was my comfort.
Food was my reward. Food was my happiness. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness. I needed to take a hard look within to learn what was eating at me and what was it that I was truly craving. In other words, WHAT was it that I truly wanted and WHY was that so important to me; and WHAT difference was that going to make in my life; and WHY will all that matter.
Does this sound familiar to you? What are you craving?